Ayanami
by Pile of Manga
Summary: The End of Eva... where was Rei? What was she doing? What was she thinking? What deep questions did she journey inside herself to answer?


Alright, those who are fans of Evangelion, this is something I wrote to help me fill in a blank in the second movie, The End of Evangelion. In the beginning of the attacks on NERV, no one can locate Rei and then she shows up when Ikari and her meet Ritsuko in Lilith's chamber. I wrote this from Rei's point of view, where she was when it all started happening, and it ends with the meeting with Ritsuko. I went along the lines of the mental journeys that are frequently taken in this series, so, read and be depressed!

Silence. Silence all around me. No one is there. No one, except me. I am alone. I do not think. I do not feel. I have no one. I need no one.

_Who am I?_

I barely feel my body, but just enough to know I am lying down. I stare at the unfamiliar ceiling above me, not moving. I haven't moved for a long time. Time... what is time? Time is man's pathetic attempt at measuring something infinite. It passes, always passes, never stops... why do people keep track? I stopped watching for it long ago... I know that because I am not the first. I know because I am not the second. I am the third. I am Ayanami Rei.

I sit up slightly, my bed creaks in response. I glance around at the floor of my "room". It's dirty, filthy. Not like my other room. I am in NERV headquarters, not in a living facility.

_Why am I here?_

Bandages. So many bandages. Most are bloodless, white. I was supposed to pretend I needed them. I needed to pretend. Ikari told me I needed to pretend. I was to fill in for myself. My second self. No one was to know that I was the third, except me and Ikari. That is my purpose: to replace myself.

I hear noises now. Loud noises. What do they mean? The Angels are gone. We killed them. Me, my second self, Ikari Shinji, Langely Asuka. We killed them all.

_Why is there noise?_

With the Angels gone, there is no threat. They are dead. Dead and gone forever. They can't be back. They were ripped apart, vaporised, exploded, eaten... they can't be back. That noise can't be them. It sounds.... human. Humans are fighting. Fighting each other. The human race has become the 18th Angel.

We kill off the Angels. That's why NERV exists. To destroy the Angels. We are the 18th Angel. We will destroy ourselves.

The sky. I cannot see it. There are no windows. There is only space where my "room" resides. Space filled with machines. Broken machines. Rusty machines. Parts of machines. And my sink, my dresser. Sitting up fully now, the noise continues.

_Why is everything so filthy?_

No one ever comes down here anymore. Not even me. I was moved here. Ikari brought me here. He told me to stay where I was. He seemed anxious. Now there is noise, and no one comes to tell me why. No one comes down here anymore. No one cares about whatever is down here. If there are machines falling apart down here, they don't care. If there is a person down here, they don't care. It's dirty because they don't care.

I slowly move my legs over the bed. I look at my dirty sheets. I look at my bloodied pillow. I hear more noise above me; I do not make a sound. Guns, shouting, explosions... I hear something. I hear people shouting about the children. No, the children _pilots_.

_Why do they want me?_

We destroyed the Angels. We saved the human race. We did it because they told us to. We listened and obeyed. I obeyed my every command. I sacrificed myself, to save them. They want to take us over. They know we are too powerful. They want me because they want to destroy me.

I destroy Angels. That's why I exist. To kill off the Angels. The human race is the 18th Angel, and it wants to kill me.

I finally stand up. There's no rush. I have no where to go. The people up there have no where to go. They're all going to be dead. They're going to destroy themselves. I'll be down here still, and they will not. I will be alone. But, I am already alone.

_Why am I alone?_

I am not real. I am a copy. I am a copy of Ikari Shinji's mother. I do not matter. There are many like me. Ikari clones me to make sure I am here forever. He needs me. He needs my body copies for the Dummy Plugs. I am a tool. I am not a person. Humans do not talk to tools. They use them. That is why I am alone.

I walk to my dresser. There are Ikari's glasses. I pick them up, turn them over in my hands. They are broken, but I keep them with me. I always have them with me. No one is allowed to touch them. My grip tightens on them. That Ikari Shinji touched them. He came into my room and he touched them. I pause slightly.

_Why do I keep them?_

Ikari told me what to do. He still does. I listened to him from the very beginning. I never questioned what he wanted me to do. I just did it. Once, my second self almost died. But he saved that second self. He nearly burned his hands off doing so. These glasses fell off and broke as he did it. I keep them because he saved me. He saved me when anyone else would have let me die.

I hear more noise, though it is closer. I turn towards it. Ikari. He is coming for me. He is the only one who would. No one else cares enough to come. He looks calm, but I can sense his distress. He always looks calm. No emotion has ever slipped from him. He stops in front of me and speaks, straight forward and blunt. He knows he doesn't need to polish anything over for me. I can handle what he says. Someone is finally explaining what is going on.

The humans are attacking us. I knew that. They're looking for me. I knew that. Langely Asuka is dead. I knew not of that. I need to go with him now. I knew that. Why else would he come down here to me? I nod silently, getting dressed. He waits for me. When I am ready, he turns away and starts to walk. I follow. Just like he asked. I stay close behind him, going where he goes.

_Where are we going? _

We walk for some time... time... we just walk. I don't know for how long. I don't know where we are. I do not need to know. I just follow orders. He takes me through a large gate. As it closes behind us, a giant Angel emerges ahead, crucified. Its white body stands out against the blood-red cross to which it is nailed. We walk forward, the only sounds now are our footsteps and the flowing LCD surrounding the dead Angel. A figure emerges. Ristuko.

_Why is she here?_

We stop far away from her. She starts to speak as well. I don't listen to her. I stand behind Ikari. I won't do anything else until he asks me to. I won't listen to that old hag. She's the same as her mother. Just an old hag. I stare at her, she stares at Ikari, he stares back at her with a smirk. She raises a gun...

This is my first Eva fic, please R&R and arigato for reading it =].


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